Last season I realized I'd spent roughly $40,000 on tickets, parking, and overpriced beer to watch my team lose more often than not. That's not the part that bothered me though. What got me was sitting in that stadium surrounded by thousands of people screaming at refs, at opposing players, at each other - and feeling absolutely nothing. No joy. Just... obligation and habit.

I grew up with my dad taking me to games. It was our thing. But somewhere along the way, fandom became about defending a choice instead of enjoying a sport. Every loss felt like a personal attack on my judgment. Every bad call by the ref became a referendum on whether I was a "real fan" or not. The other fans around me - people I'd see season after season - started treating the opposing team's supporters like actual enemies.

The weird part? I watch more games now that I don't go. I stream them at home. I actually enjoy them. I can appreciate good plays from both teams without feeling like I'm betraying something.

But I feel guilty about it. My dad thinks I've abandoned something sacred. And maybe he's right - maybe there's something wrong with me that I can't sustain that tribal passion anymore. I see families at games and I wonder if they're experiencing what I used to, or if they're grinding through the same exhausting performance I was.

Is fandom supposed to feel like an obligation? When did it stop being fun and start being about proving something?